If you didn't read the entry before this you should probably go back and read that one first...

Ryan drove me into work this morning. He then left ... I thought he was going to go out looking for a job. I didn't find out until he returned a little after noon that he'd been home packing his stuff and then brought it over to his friends house.
It's really happening he is leaving. tonight when I get off of work I will be dropping him off in the town, but not where he will be living, I know the area, just not the exact location.
He said he just needs time to think, time alone to get his priorities straight and to figure out what he wants to do with his life... he said it feels like a mid life crisis.
So he said he doesn't know how long he will be gone... Maybe a few days, maybe a few months...
The waiting and not knowing is gonna KILL me. I just wish he would get over this and come home.
He says he still loves me and that this has nothing to do with me or anything I did...
Maybe he was too young when we got married... I don't know maybe he just feels overwhelmed with all of the problems we are having financially and then him losing his job...
Whatever the case I asked him to be faithful to me while he is out there searching ... He said that he wasn't even looking for anyone and that sex and everything wasn't even on his mind.
I barely slept last night, didn't eat until this afternoon when he and I went to lunch and even then I felt completely sick to my stomach afterward.
I have been crying constantly, I have lost some of the panic that I had last night, But I am still terrified ...
I love him so much, I don't want to lose him...
Thank you for all of the notes, Nicole I read yours and started bawling ... Ryan read it too... all he could say is "your friends love you..."
I don't know what I am gonna tell the kids... I am just gonna try to treat them special and give them a ton of attention, Hopefully it will help me stay strong.