Ryan called me today just as I was getting off of work, He proceeded to tell me he'd been fired... Too many days off unexcused... He'd had 5 days in the last 6 weeks evidently.
So we are driving home and he starts talking about how much of a loser he is, how I would be so much betteroff without him "dragging me down" How the kids and I would be better off... He continues throughout the evening saying how I could have such a better life if he wasn't in it and kept asking me if this is the life I want...
Let me just say we are going through a lot of financial shit right now... we are back on rent and yesterday our gas got shut off...
So the night goes on and I have listened to him for so long I figure he's just feeling down about losing his job I mean who wouldn't...?
I take a nap on the couch for an hour or so and wake up we ate dinner and then Ryan starts again on how much of a loser he is and how I would be better off without him, this time while he talks he adds in on how he really wants to leave, how he's already talked to this couple he knows that he worked with, and they said it would be ok if he stayedwith them for a while...
Nothing like springing things on me ...I was floored... immediately sick to my stomach my heart was in overdrive while it was also breaking. I immediately figured he has found another woman and was planning on leaving me for her, He said that wasn't the case...
We talked and I begged him to stay... I told him I didn't care what he did for work, that somehow someway we'd make it and that I wouldn hever think he was a loser, the only way I would feel that way was if he gave up and left walking away.
Seems as though my life is yet again hanging in the balance...
Some of you may remember this sort of thing happening a few years ago, But that time it was him thinking of leaving me to find another woman... can't say i am totally convinced that it isn't the same this time.
I don't know Ryan has such low self esteem to begin with, maybe it is just everything hitting him at once and this is his way of dealing with it all, trying to run from the responsibility.
I guess for now he is staying, or thinking of it. He took 3 tylenol PM and is asleep in the bed... I am here mind in overdrive chain smoking, Wishing I could all make it stop and that it could go back to where we were when he said he loved me and he was never gonna leave me...
I really need to vent and who knows how long this scenerio will continue... Hopefully we can talk it out... But until further notice just know I may be babbling incessently about my possible failing marriage.