Don't know what i am feeling... I wish I had someone who's shoulder I could cry on... I've talked to Lee and my other friends... pretty much exhausted the conversation...
I am trying to be strong for the kids but I broke down and sobbed while hugging Spencer tonight... He just took his little hands wrapped each one around my cheeks and looked me straight in the eye and said... " it's gonna be okay mom..."
How will I get through this...
LA brought up a few good questions in the note she sent me... I don't know what to do... all of this is so sudden... With all of his shortcomings as a husband I love him, I can't help it... we do have a great relationship. we truly care and we share so much. I know it sounds stupid but I do feel like he completes me, he is my other half...
I feel so wrung out like a dirty dishrag left to drip cold in the sink.
My head cycles between utter sadness, Lonliness, terror and then to the thought of acceptance...
I am doing all I can right now... taking things minute by minute.
Rented some movies to keep the kids happy tonight... Shark Tale, chicken little and Nanny McPhee... hoping that maybe watching the latter will somehow bring a smile and I will be able to forget the world is falling down around me... at least for a while...
I broke down a while ago and called him... he talked but then said that I have to stop calling him or he won't be able to work things out and it will take longer...
My friend Carl told me I shouldn't worry, He said he can understand Ryan needs a little time alone but it won't be long before he starts missing the kids and I and will come back... he predicted before the weekend was over.
I am hoping that he does, I am praying and wishing and hoping ... I don't know how long I can take this. Waiting....