The police contacted me tonight in regard to what happened at the girls house (the one Ryan was cheating on me with) she filed a report for malicious destruction of property for the spaghetti sauce and the toothbrush. I explained everything to the cops and they were gonna put it in their report and i should hear back from them this week sometime...I know it was wrong, but at the time all i could see was i wanted to hurt someone and she was involved.
My life is on this downward spiral and i cannot get a grip ... i wish i knew Ryan's intentions if he was gonna come back or end it... one way or the other I could gain some direction.
Spencer and Evelyn were crying tonight... they said it was all their fault that Ryan was gone and I told them NO it had NOTHING to do with ANYTHING they did he and i were having problems and he had to go away to think about things and if he didn't come back we would be ok... I would always be there for them...
I can't sleep ... Tomorrow morning I am going in to the state office to see if I can get any assistance. hopefully they will help me get my gas turned back on... right now I can't cook, I have no hot water for cleaning or taking showers... it sucks... all of the bills are piling up and it won't be long before everything gets shut off... and I am evicted, Back on 2 months rent. Ryan gets his last paycheck from Wal-mart on Thursday, He told me he would give me some of it... we'll see...
I don't know what to think or do... went and spent the night at my parents house last night talked and talked to my mom... she told me things will work out. She knows I want reconciliation, But also said if he leaves for good I will be ok too. I know that too, I just don't want to give up quite yet.
Thank you my friends I appreciate you all but You'll never know how much.