So Ryan wants me back... think I may have mentioned that a bit ago... it started on new years eve... he lost his job and he is having a hard time making ends meet... living off of the girlfriends pizza hut waitress wages.
I have struggled back and forth... Its been so hard not to want to just take him back into our life, knowing that some things would be better ... But then again some things would never change.
My family has been adamant about me not taking him back they have said repetedly if I take him back they are all done with me.
Again I have no trust for him, I am so bitter still about him leaving me for her. But on the other hand i still have love for him and I guess I always will...
I suggested he move back into town and then we could seek counseling, even if we didn't get back together it would help us deal with the divorce. He said that financially he can't make the move, I told him if he wanted to prove his want for reconciliation with me he would make any and all efforts to be closer to the kids and I.
Suggested a roommate, to his reply " I don't like people" and I can't just move in with someone I have to trust them.... well I told him it didn't take long for his girlfriend to earn his trust..
This would never work out... I am not taking him back
I am sure I am even a fool for even pondering the thought of taking him back...
I am just so lonely and depressed these days... The friend with benefits thing hasn't cut it... no matter how sweet and attentive he is when we are together he isn't in the market for being a couple and is also seeing someone else at the same time...
I know that I have to be patient... My friend Lee says to work on myself and follow what I have designated as my new yr resolutions... which I haven't been doing very well on I might add.
I need to do somethingto find a piece of happiness.. this shit just isn't cutting it...