You know what really sucks...? Heading into the weekend with no plans, no babysitter and no money to do anything if i did have plans and a babysitter...
I want to go out and have fun... I want to go out on a date... I miss the companionship.
I want to hold hands and kiss...
Tomorrow is 2 weeks... Yesterday he told me he has the papers to file and today he came out and picked up the rest of his things...
He is moving home to his grandma's house... I suppose that will drive me less crazy, even though he is 80 miles away he isn't holed up with some other woman... ( well yea technically he is his g'ma ) you all know what I mean.
It sucks that we can't be together, but we have both realized that this is it.
I never realized or could sympathize with people who were going through Divorce, But I now know it hurts like no other pain and there isn't a thing to be done to help mend it... time and learning to care about yourself again... that is the only thing that helps...
I have met a nice man that I have been chatting with online. it's nice to talk to people who have gone through the same thing. We have a nice friendship building.... He knows where I am and knows I can't have anything serious in my life right now... But it is nice to be flirted with and interested in... I am just taking things slow. Trying to have fun. I know that whomever I decided to date, I would want them to let me get to know them inside and out... I am also afraid to make that first step... it's been a while and I am afraid of being hurt and hurting someone in the process...
The kids saw their dad tonight and things went ok... there wasn't any crying when he left and no huge problems after he'd gone... But I was open with them from the start about him only here to get his things and that was all...
I know what I need ... I need a few days of vacation time a babysitter and a destination that has a hot tub and serves up strawberry daquiri's...
it is a nice fantasy tho right..?